You’re probably the one person that could help me and you just fucked me over so hard. Well you know what, fuck you. I won’t forget this, even though you will. Fuck you. Fuck. You. I hate you right now. I never thought I could, but I do. All I wanted was your support. You to show you still cared. It will never be enough for you. So stupid it took me three years to realize it. I hate you so much right now. You don’t even know you did anything, and that just sucks. I guess it just got too fucking tiring for you. I’m royally screwed up right now and just needed you to care for like .2 seconds. Did you ever give a second thought to anything I ever said? About how I spilled my whole entire fucked up life to you? Or was it not relevant enough for you to give two shits? I can’t even believe the hatred that’s radiating through my body. Fuck you. Good-fucking-God. Just fuck you.
I did it. And it feels good. Like it never stopped.
Welcome back old friend.
I started teaching toddlers last May, and I truly have never felt so satisfied and wanted and needed. After being sexually abused at a young age and physically and emotionally abused my whole life, I finally found what could make the feeling of true hopelessness go away. I woke up every morning excited to see what my day would bring for the first time in my life. But now, I feel old waves of darkness encompassing me like a rising tide. I can’t stop the waves, and if I don’t move to higher ground it’ll eventually drown me. I know that if it takes over again, I won’t be able to fight it off this time. I think the realization that I will never have lasting fulfillment or happiness is not helping my cause. Maybe I am overreacting due to stress. Maybe I’m on the verge of a panic episode. I truly don’t know. What I do know is that if it’s the case of returning depression, I cannot live with it. I won’t. Although my life has been relatively short, I truly feel I have suffered through a lifetime of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. I know part of the reason I am still suffering is because these issues all are unresolved. But, I cannot resolve any of them. Even if I could I wouldn’t, honestly; it would ruin people’s lives. Sacrifice the good of the one for the good of the many… And honestly, how much good can closure do? There will always be the horrendous memories imprinted in my brain forever no matter what; replaying over and over when I least need to see them. And there’s so many of them that they just take over every other thing in my mind until all I feel I can do is scream and scream and scream until there’s nothing left to scream. I will not do this again.
I feel utterly pathetic after writing this, but I had to get it out somehow.
it could be raining men and id still be single
Ellen is like hollywood’s quirky gay mom
Don’t watch this if you’re soaked in gasoline because it will warm your heart and you will burn to death and die.
"I love you…"